Why You Should Always Make Friends While You Travel
Don Clyde Clyde is a globe-trotting wordsmith rockstar with dreams of grandeur. His passions include playing the blues, following the world’s best football club Liverpool FC, and exploring the world. Read all about his exploits at ClydeMeetsWorld and ClydeMeetsWorldii.
Not many people would consider me a social person. I’m proudly introverted, and often prefer keeping to myself.
I have a few close friends who I try and keep in touch with regularly, but other than that, I am a bit of a recluse. I find that many of the things that I want to do are better done alone, and so my lifestyle of relative solitude suits me. Most of the time, at least.
I found out quite quickly when I left Singapore with my fiancé in 2014 to travel the world that friends out on the road are a rare and precious commodity. It gets lonely out there quickly, and it didn’t take us long to realise that we’d need to break out of our little solitary shells if we were going to make the trip work for us.
And so we did. Reluctantly at first, but enthusiastically later on. You see, making friends while you’re travelling is so much more than just a desperate measure that introverts like me rely on to ease the ache of loneliness.
I’m here to tell you that it’s a rewarding gesture – perhaps THE MOST rewarding gesture – that adds value, excitement, feeling, and depth to whatever journey you’re on.
Also read: Why It Is Important to Have a Circle of (Travel) Friends
Our first attempt at socialising was a resounding success. Here we are chilling at a reggae bar in Bangkok with our new friends from France and Chile. Not sure what Rodrigo did to get his hand so blue.
Celebrating a perfect sunset with Karl from Italy during our three-day road trip across Azerbaijan.
People define a place
Many Singaporeans, like me, aren’t known for our chattiness or willingness to make new friends in unfamiliar places. But give it a go the next time you’re on holiday and you’ll realise that somehow, you’ve come to know that place you’ve just visited a whole lot more intimately than you expected.
Monks snapping a selfie in the largely Tibetan region of Xiahe in China. Here I am asking if I can join in.
The monks are a little shy, but one of them agrees to a group photo with this bunch of local tourists we befriended.
You haven’t really experienced a place until you’ve shared some meaningful time with its people. You may have flown to Cambodia, and snapped 942 spectacular photos of Ang Kor Wat, but what does that really tell you?
Tourist sites and attractions and pretty little towns are nice to look at, but what really defines a place is the collection of people who live there, and the unique cultural and social identities they share.
When you meet these people and get to know them well, you’ll find you’ve truly connected with a place on more than a superficial level.
Sharing a refreshing drink with a Georgian musician after a pretty cool jam in front of a young audience.
It’s all well and good trying to explain this away in some abstract theoretical sense, but I think the better way would be to use a five of my own examples to illustrate the point.
1. Vietnam: Thuy and family in Ninh Binh
If you’ve read my previous stuff, you’ll know that I really loved motorcycling all over Vietnam. The country is perfect for exploring on two wheels, and if you’re open to it, you’re bound to make new friends while you’re at it. Dianne and I were lucky to have made one very close friend named Thuy (pronounced Twee), over in Hanoi.
Thuy won't be too pleased with me using this photo, but it's the clearest one of her I've got =P
Thuy was a travel agent in the city’s main tourist centre back then, and her shop was one of many we’d stumbled into while looking for a cheap motorcycle to rent. Unlike many of the other ruthlessly business-minded vendors we’d spoken with before, Thuy’s quirky brand of humour and friendliness was infectious right from the get-go. We ended up renting a bike from her, and decided to spend the next few hours chatting in her office about all things Vietnamese and Singaporean.
We got along so well that Thuy, much to our surprise, invited us to join her on a motorcycling adventure back to her home in Ninh Binh a hundred or so kilometres away. There was no way we could refuse, and so, a few days later, we met up with her and a friend, and set off on our road trip.
Dinner with Thuy and her awesome family
Thuy’s family was amazing. They lived in a charming home next to a glorious rice field. They brought us on spectacular nature walks, and showed us their family bee hives and banyan trees. They fed us a homemade feast, and woke us up with Vietnamese karaoke at nine in the morning, before breakfast.
Thuy's dad freaked me out when he decided to out of the blue show me his bee collection. Bees scare me.
Here we are on a nature walk up the surrounding hills. We crossed paths with a wild boar along the way, which Thuy's dad valiantly shooed away. Thuy and Dianne are looking at a mountain goat high up in the mountains on the opposite side of the lake.
Our weekend with Thuy and family was something quite special and it will always be remembered. Vietnam wasn’t always the friendliest place, but when it was friendly, boy, was it FRIENDLY!
Our landlords at Cat Ba island were always feeding us and plying us with drinks. They saw us in the distance one night and insisted we join them for supper. We ended the night Karaoke-ing together until the wee hours of the morning.
Hoa Hoa at the quiet town of Lao Cai was a breath of fresh air. She surprised us one evening when she said something to me in Malay. Having studied in a Malaysian university, she spoke the language fluently. Makes great sandwiches and holds even better conversations!
2. Kazakhstan: Lola and family in Aksu
Lola was the first Kazakhstani we met. Oddly enough, it was she who said hello to us, and not vice versa.
Lola had just graduated and worked as an English translator. She could not help but overhear Dianne and I speaking in English about how lost and confused we were entering Kazakhstan not knowing a word of Russian, and so she came to our rescue.
Our gracious and always immaculately dressed host, Lola. The hearts on the brick wall behind were painted on years ago by a young man with a huge crush on her.
During our long bus ride to the country’s old capital from China, Lola taught us the Russian alphabet and a few important Russian words.
We got along pretty well considering we didn’t actually speak with each other that much during the dreary ride, and when we finally parted ways, Lola gave us her contact details and told us to visit her in Aksu, a small town up North, if we found ourselves heading that way.
Aksu was quite out of the way and we had not planned on heading that far north (Aksu was so far north it was practically Russia), but Lola was so nice that we decided to take her up on her offer. We bought our train tickets and headed up to the small town in the Pavlodar province, and had ourselves one of the best weeks in our entire year of travels.
Drenched after some unexpected showers during an evening stroll.
Barbeques like this one are a favourite pastime for many of the locals in Kazakhstan.
Our last night together at Lola’s home. I can't tell you how moved I was by all the warmth and hospitality we received!
Lola is undoubtedly the closest friend we made in Kazakhstan, but everyone in the entire country is so nice you’ll have no trouble making friends anywhere when you’re there, provided you’re willing to open up a little.
We met Didar (left) while struggling to buy train tickets to Aksu. He helped us sort everything out, and spent the next two days showing us around the city of Almaty with his good friend, Taco.
We met an English teacher couchsurfing in Almaty, and he invited us to sit in for some of his classes. We were more than happy to oblige, and had a great time getting to know all of his students.
I’ve got so many other stories of friendly and helpful strangers turned friends in Kazakhstan, but I think I’ll move on now to the next country, neighbouring Kyrgyzstan.
3. Kyrgyzstan: Bektur and friends in Arslanbob
From the northernmost recesses of Kazakhstan, we soon made our way to a southern enclave in Kyrgyzstan. An old Polish vegan traveller over in the Kyrgyz capital of Bishkek told us that we simply had to go to Arslanbob, and we were really glad that we took his advice.
Arslanbob is a rural village wonderland high up in the mountains that many of the locals visit in the summer to get away from the scorching heat. It’s got a cool little funfair with camels and carnival games, an outdoor daytime disco for the young at heart, and plenty of hikes.
Bektur and friends. Bektur is the young man in yellow next to Dianne in her red cap.
We were fortunate enough to meet a group of university students while hiking up a trail to find Arslanbob’s famous big waterfall. They were visiting from the nearby city of Osh and knew a little bit of English, which, combined with our own limited grasp of Russian, was enough for us to start conversing.
We found out that one of them had a relative living in Arslanbob and that they were all staying there together, and on the treacherous way down from the waterfall, they invited us to join them there for a homemade lunch.
Sheep’s liver with a thick layer of sheep's fat. Other delicacies included sheep's brain, sheep's eye, and sheep's lung.
Lunch was…intriguing, to say the least, but we all had a great time together exchanging stories. Kyrgyzstan doesn’t get many visitors, especially from places that weren’t part of the Soviet bloc, and so they were fascinated by our lives in Singapore and our travels leading up to Kyrgyzstan.
We went looking for Arslanbob’s famous small waterfall after lunch, and before the night ended, enjoyed a few beers together. We parted ways sadly once it got too dark (no streetlights along Arslanbob’s dirt roads), but continued to keep in touch.
Bektur and friends at the small waterfall.
A few days later, we got a message from the group’s ringleader Bektur asking if we wanted to join them on their drive up to the capital, as we had told them before that we were heading that way too. We gratefully accepted their invitation, offering to pay for petrol for the drive north, and spent a splendid day with the gang swimming in lakes and taking photos together on the spectacular mountain roads.
Like in Kazakhstan, the Kyrgyz people are a friendly bunch. We made so many new friends there, but this group was surely the friendliest and most fun. Open up and give the people of Central Asia a chance, and they’ll be happy to share their hospitality, food, and time with you!
Our neighbours at Arslanbob, who took us under their wings and fed us and drove us all over the village.
Turganbay was a friend who helped us find a really cheap place to stay at. He was a teacher at Arslanbob, and this is me being mobbed by a bunch of students at the school he taught at, super excited to meet a pair of travellers for the first time.
4. Georgia: A birthday party in the birthplace of Stalin
Now that I’ve learned to stay in homestays and hostels, there’s no way I’m going back to regular hotels unless I absolutely have to! Homestays, especially, are great. These small and typically family-run businesses are often unapologetically local and personal in a way that big places are not. While most of our Georgian landlords were super nice to us, our landlady in Gori left the most lasting impression.
We didn’t meet on the best of terms. Guesthouses in Gori were a little pricey by Georgian standards, and so our first encounter involved a lot of haggling. Once we shook hands over an agreeable price, though, things changed.
In a bid to win back our landlady’s favour, we softened up, and our landlady thankfully reciprocated. We eventually became super chummy, and all of this niceness culminated on our last night in Gori when we were invited for her granddaughter’s first birthday party.
Dianne with the birthday girl.
The chaos that ensued was majestic. Homemade Georgian wine flowed freely, and local delicacies never stopped filling our plates. The night was filled with traditional song and dance, and the unending clinks of 50 wine glasses as family members toasted each other with inebriated Georgian poetry.
I didn't get to take as many photos as I wanted because of the copious amounts of wine being served. Here's the underwhelming best of the lot.
Dianne and I got to dance the local dances and perform a few songs too, and I even managed to stumble through a few inebriated poetic toasts myself. It was altogether a rather unforgettable evening, as one very large and very kind Georgian family sought to welcome us in as one of their own.
Georgia was a country full of lovely landlords, like this family over in Kazbegi...
...and this one over in Mestia…
5. Bosnia: Wei Ying the Australian and her Bosnian Friends in Banja Luka
When you’re out on the road, it’s often easier to make friends with other travellers than it is to make friends with the locals. Sometimes, it’s the language. Trying to grasp the Turkish tongue after a few months of wrestling with Russian, for instance, can be pretty tiring, and so you latch on to whoever speaks the same language as you.
While befriending a fellow traveller doesn’t always give you that deeper appreciation of the place you’re visiting, it does give you a window into their own country and culture.
It’s also a lot of fun, tagging along with others on adventures you otherwise might never have even considered taking. This was the case with Wei Ying, an Australian backpacker we spent some time with while in Romania.
Exploring the streets of Banja Luka with Wei Ying.
We shared a few drinks together while staying at the same guesthouse in Brasov, and kept in touch on Facebook after parting ways. When she learned that we were making our way to Bosnia, she told us that she was there too, teaching English to kids at a little English school in a small town called Banja Luka.
She invited us to spend a few days with her at her apartment, and as we always do when things like this happen, we gratefully accepted.
Banja Luka was a blast. We played Laser Tag with some of the Bosnian friends Wei Ying had made there, and after getting to know them a little better over a few evening drinks, agreed to do a pot luck dinner together. Dianne and I made spicy curry for them, and they prepared a local feast for us.
Laser Tag in Bosnia!
Watching big strong Bosnian men brought nearly to tears by the nearly imperceptible amount of chilli we used was priceless, and we owe Wei Ying a huge debt of gratitude for introducing us to her delightful circle of friends.
Cevapi, bread, and curry, followed by Nutella fondue for dessert. We hardly used any chilli in the curry, but it was enough to make these Bosnians sweat!
A drive out to the countryside in Wei Ying's company car, where it was snowing!
Wei Ying herself was great too. She let us sit in during one of her English classes to watch Jurassic Park with her students, and drove us through the snow-filled countryside in what was my very first winter experience. If you’re reading this Wei Ying, thanks a million!
Learn to open up
It takes a certain amount of courage to open yourself up to meeting new people when you’re travelling, but if my experiences are anything to go by, it’s definitely worth it. Your niceness won’t always be repaid in kind, but when it does, it often leads to something special.
Travelling becomes more than a skin deep experience when you engage with others. The memories and the emotional rewards you get become three-dimensional and very real, and you’ll start to want all of your travelling to feel that way.
Many of the friends we made during our travels are still friends to this day, and I can’t tell you how special that feels, to have built such lasting bonds with people from all around the world in such special ways.
If you want to give your own travels that special X factor, then try not keeping to yourself. Make a few friends along the way, and watch the world go full HD. It may seem counterintuitive to you at first, as it did with me, but you get used to it quickly enough. It’s easy, really:
1. Smile and say hello.
Start doing this at guesthouses and hostels with other travellers. Many backpackers have been travelling alone for months and want nothing more than to make new friends in a new place. Even an awkward greeting can turn into a great time. Once you’re used to this, talking and being friendly with the locals becomes a lot easier too.
Became real chummy with this bunch of Chinese art students over at a guesthouse in Xiahe, even though they didn't speak a word of English. Thank you, Google Translate!
2. Ask for help.
Do not try and fix every problem yourself. Dianne and I once couch-surfed in Kazakhstan’s old capital of Almaty with an American lady who was teaching English there. When we told her about a supermarket manager who had befriended us, and who gave us several loaves of bread and some snacks for free, she was surprised by how easily and quickly we were able to make friends. Nothing like that ever happened to her, she said, and she wondered why. We joked that our secret was probably that we looked so helpless and lost half the time, and I think there’s definitely some truth to that. When you let others in on the fact that you need help, more people than you expect will jump at the chance to come to your rescue.
Didar and Taco, after helping us get our train tickets, literally brought us up a mountain.
3. Go out of your way to accept an offer of hospitality.
When a new friend invites you to spend the week with his or her family, try not to say no simply because it wasn’t part of the plan. None of the examples I spoke of earlier were planned, but there’s not often anything you can plan that would be better than your very own ethnographic travel experience.
4. Learn to play the guitar.
And bring one with you. This tiny slightly off-tune companion I bought over in Bangkok for 40 Singapore dollars served me well enough, and helped me make many, many friends during my year of travel.
5. Relax.
There’s nothing to be nervous about, really. People are mostly nice, and when you smile and laugh with others, they tend to smile and laugh along with you. It’s the same everywhere. Go ahead and exercise that little bit of common sense you’ll need to keep yourself safe, but recognise when you are safe, and take the opportunity to chill out and be yourself. Let your guard down when you’re relaxing at the hostel bar, and try not to close up when a stranger comes up to you and starts a conversation. It’s a very Asian thing, keeping to ourselves, but when you’re a traveller, everyone wants to know your story. The everyday things you consider mundane back home are delicious morsels of truth to those elsewhere. There’s a lot out there that you can learn from others, and there’s a lot in there that others can learn from you too, so don’t worry about not being interesting enough, or having nothing clever to say. You are a treasure trove of anecdotes, and you shouldn’t be afraid to share them.
Also read: Why People Who Love Travel Make the Best Friends
You’ve got nothing to lose
And there you have it - 4 easy tips to help spruce up your travels (I was half joking about the guitar).
Give it a go the next time you leave home and see how things work out. You’ve got nothing to lose from being friendly. Not really.
At worst, you may get a little roll of the eyes, or maybe some sort of sneer. At best, you end up sharing a special and uniquely personal travel experience with a new friend for life.
The math speaks for itself, so go ahead and do yourself a favour. Start meeting people when you travel.